What Are Your Hyper-Specific Love Languages? | Cup of Jo (2024)

I love this thread! I immediately think of my own Dad whose love language is Acts of Service, mostly in the form of car maintenance. However, every single time he wants to snack on an apple, he slices it up and carries it on a plate to everyone in the house in whatever room they’re in to see if they want some. It’s so random, but makes me teary just thinking about how sweet he is.

I know exactly what to write in a card or letter for any occasion to make someone feel loved or seen or understood. Words and touch for me. A friend of mine who I often fleetingly pass at school gates always gives me a quick hug or shoulder touch and it always lights my day.

This is my dad to a T! On his last visit, a car arrived to take him and my mom to the airport and I couldn’t find him. He was screwing in a loose screen on our window! Then before getting into the car, he brought all of our bins in from the curb. Literally acts-of-servicing until the last possible moment! Another Classic George, as my sisters and I call it, is peeling a bunch of garlic and leaving it in the fridge, since of course that is the worst part of dinner prep!

my hyper specific love language is when another mom subtly takes beautiful candid pictures at your kid’s birthday party and sends them to you in a google photos link

My preferred way to receive love is gifts – but that sounds so tacky and greedy. I’ve always thought a better way to describe it is “this little thing made me think of you.” I’m not looking for an elaborate gift, but I love when my husband, for example, picks up a donut while out walking the dog before I wake up on a Saturday morning. And in 2024, this often takes the form of friends sending memes/Instagram posts/clothes or home goods I may want to buy/etc because they know I’ll like them. “This made me think of you.” It makes me feel seen and understood – and loved.

I’m here for dispelling a publicly held perception, so one thing I love about this string is talk about how thoughtful the men in our lives are. Hear me out–it’s refreshing in the same way that it is refreshing to dispel myths about boys not being as caring or sensitive as girls. In my house, if there is a lazy oaf that leaves their socks on the floor…it’s me!

When it’s time to present the cake and sing “Happy Birthday” at a kid birthday party, I always grab the phone of the mom and tell her and the dad to go stand behind their child so they can be in the birthday photos. I love taking a quick snapshot of the parents looking adoringly at their child for the candid photos, everyone’s huge genuine smiles for the posed photo right after the candles are blown out!

Reading the comments has reminded me that I have a long list of copied text messages from friends on my bday (and other days) that compliment me. Must be words of affirmation :)
For giving, I love opening up my home and any other assets to friends. I’ll be gone a weekend, need to borrow my car or sleep in my bed? Ha! I have barrels and barrels of apples from my tree, come take some!

One way I show love is by giving great recommendations. Anything from local restaurants to a trusted mechanic to great travel destinations to the perfect novel. Nothing makes me happier than contributing to someone’s nice day/good experience. I also love setting people up! In my 20’s, it was romantic connections. Now, most of my friends are partnered or not interested in dating, but I love to set people up as friends. Getting just the right energy dynamic/interest combinations just right is one of my favorite things. So if I had to name these in a single love language, I’d say I show love by paying attention to details and trying to make things a little brighter for others.

I saved a tweet once that was like: “No one talks enough about the sixth love language (being annoying),” and sent it to my partner and everyone in my family because we all love teasing & pranks & pestering each other (but in a fun way!).

Im shocked no one has mentioned this yet, but the same Christian guy who wrote about love languages also wrote about apology languages. While ultimately with the apologies he is just listening the components of an apology, it helped me figure out what part of apologizing I actually need to hear. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-language

I was just reading through these thinking how I don’t know my love language and then walked out to the kitchen and saw that my husband had prepped dinner, cleaned the fridge, made a grocery list, and left me a smoothie in the fridge. The immediate tears would seem to indicate that I’m an acts of service person cause man do I feel loved right now.

I totally think this is a fun conversation but also that it’s important to know the origins of the concept of “love languages” — there were conjured up by a Baptist pastor who did not have any psychological training, for questionable reasons… https://coveteur.com/love-languages

My love language is organizing the meal train for anyone with a loss or new baby or other big life event. Or just offering to bring by dinner if someone is struggling.

Right before my grandfather passed away my mother said, ‘he never told me he loved me’. And it broke my heart. I gave his eulogy and it listed all the ways my grandfather said I love you. It was when he came over in the middle of the night to fix the heat, when he made sure your bike was ready to ride each summer, when you came to visit and he’d check your oil, when he would drop everything to take you for a boat ride, every time he helped you move, and everything he did to make sure your home and car were safe. His love was quiet and efficient.

A love language of mine is being teased! I know it sounds weird, but it makes me feel so very seen to have someone pick up on something silly that I do and tease me for it, in a funny way of course. Anyone else?

Acts of service is how I show love. Specifically feeding my loved ones – either through a home-cooked dinner, meal-prepping lunches for my husband, or my personal favorite: baking cookies using my beloved grandma’s recipe that I know by heart.

I have a bit of social anxiety and I have a friend who I see from time to time (she’s fabulous and so funny)- and whenever the interaction ends and the usual “Let’s get together soon” comes out of my mouth, she’ll say, “Or not! We don’t have to! We’ll see each other when we see each other”. And this release of pressure just makes me feel so seen. I’ve told her this, too and her response was essentially, “You got it, girl!”.

I never thought of myself as a “physical touch” girl but my husband is and shows me love in many ways but that way specifically. After 11 years of marriage and turning 40, he still will grab my butt while I am walking by. He will still spin me around and make out with me in our kitchen. He still keeps things very sexy and to be desired after kids, weight gain, long days at work etc. is an incredible feeling. So many of my friends don’t have the same intimacy and it makes me realize how lucky we are and it makes me feel sexy, special, and so loved!

In my family, our love language is acts of service – specifically, giving you a ride somewhere. I think it’s because throughout my childhood, my parents always made me feel like I could call them any time, from anywhere, if I needed to come home.
When I was 11, my family moved from South Africa to the UK. Every time we flew back into Cape Town, my wonderful grandfather would be the one there to pick us up. Even now, 15 years after he passed away, I still miss him deeply and I picture him in Arrivals whenever our plane touches down.
If I love you, I will always give you a ride to or from the airport, no matter the hour. It’s my way of holding his memory close. It means everything: I love you. I miss you. I’m so glad you’re here.

Special soap is my super specific one. I love to give a little basket of soap for people as a housewarming or other gift, but when I see my parents and my mom has a limited edition scent or fancy soap put aside for me that she saw at the store, it makes me so happy.

My love languages are definitely gifts (I’m a very good gift giver) and cooking – I love to cook and while I have a very strong sense of what foods I like, I have no issues making something catered to a guest’s dietary needs. In terms of what I like in return, basically everyone except my Dad and my in laws gets gifts for me completely wrong (my Mum is a notoriously terrible gift giver – she gave my brother a set of towels for his 30th birthday and couldnt understand why we all gently ribbed her, and she once gave my husband a small smurf figurine. He has no interest in smurfs and has never mentioned them before. My brother once gave me pixie shoe shaped slippers made out of rainbow felt…). My Dad is not handy in any way shape or form but bought me the most beautiful watercolour of plants and their pollinators from an art exhibition, just because. I think words of affirmation is what I most like in return, which is a bit weird because my husband is terrible at that but my boss is great at it.

My husband is 1000% acts of service. He does the dishes every night, and wakes up early on the weekends to change our kids diapers and play with them while I get a little extra sleep. Funnily enough I am used to showing love through gifts (I love finding unique gifts for my loved ones that are perfectly suited to them) but he hates gifts! I’ve learned not to be offended by this and that physical touch is always the way to go with him. A five minute head rub is so much more appreciated than anything I could buy him.

Mine is REMEBERING THINGS!! I have a brilliant memory for names and relationships and details- the number of times I’ve asked after someone’s sister in law who was having health troubles, or a co-worker’s husband who was going for a promotion, or a friend of a friend’s new baby etc and am met with “How do you REMEMBER this stuff!?”- but it’s just second nature to me! I think it makes people feel very seen, which is all we really ever want, right?

I’ve just been experiencing a really hard recovery post surgery last week and the best things were talking and voicenoting with friends and family (quality time) and a friend sending me vegan brownies in the mail which I tripped over getting in the door after overdoing it and almost passing out and promptly inhaled, as well as my mum buying me a bright yellow scrunchie which made me feel pretty at a time I felt very dissociated from my body (gifts). I never really care about gifts when you are supposed to receive them (xmas birthdays) but I love a random, small, tailored to you, brighten your day gift!

My love language is writing letters or, to the people in my house, little notes… friends who stay in my house are also leaving notes everywhere and they now cover some of our walls. It feels like a warm hug every day! Also, i can’t help gifting books, it’s like an urge. I am always worried people don’t have anything to read ( what would they do without a book?).

I kinda want them all. Like, bring me a lil treat and do some of my chores and then spend time with me, rubbing my feet and telling me I’m beautiful 😂

Reading aloud and book recommendations. Being the giver or receiver of these two things are definitely my obscure love language.

I don’t know what category it is just to be thoughtful but my dad has a nice way of sending you articles you’d be interested in, texting when there’s a great segment on the Sunday morning show. We also screenshot our weekly energy usage by day to compare notes every single week right when we get the email. We use the same energy provider so we see who “wins” every time. It’s a tiny thing but just a good reminder that he’s thinking about me. Love my dad.

Love that your dad still wants to do the dad things, adorable!
My giving love languages are acts of service (especially cooking) and quality time… I love playing games with my children.
It’s so funny how what we like to give can be so different than what we like to receive. I definitely like physical touch and words of affirmation.
And my kids are definitely all about the gifts. I like the diversity though, everyone brings something different to the table.

Is your father Dutch/Flemish? I was surprised to hear you call him ‘opa’?

I love writing and receiving handwritten mail! It gives me such a thrill to send a note or a postcard. I also love making tea or coffee or folks with love.

I am 100% physical touch. I need cuddles and kisses and hugs and butt squeezes. I often tell my husband that my “cuddle gauge” is low and he does a great job of stopping what he’s doing and cuddling me. He’s also very patient when I tackle hug him and smother his face in kisses. My husband’s love language is acts of service. Handling chores, doing research on what kind of dishwasher to buy, running errands, grabbing me a treat while he’s out. I have chronic osteoarthritis in my lower back and it puts me out often – my husband is happy to take care of me and everything around the house while I’m sitting with a heating pad.

First of all, your dad is so cute! My love languages are acts of service and quality time because these take more effort than gifts, touch, or words, and thus seem more meaningful.

Acts of touch. I express my love that way and adore being held. My grandparents walked absolutely everywhere holding hands. They had a three squeeze code which meant “I love you.” I have taught it to my three children. There is nothing better than when they slip their little hands into mine and we can silently communicate while walking down the sidewalk.

When someone says “My love language is…” is it the way they show love, or the way they like to receive it? They’re not necessarily the same, and I’m not sure why I can’t figure this out! Seems like it’s used interchangeably?

The 4 of us were out to dinner and took a love languages quiz. My son refused but I know he’s physical touch. I am words of affirmation. My husband is quality time. My daughter is physical touch.

My love language is giving parking directions. You’re coming to a new place? Let me give you five detailed options and prices for places to park (of course at least one will be a free option), plus how to find the elevator or entry door of the place you’re supposed to be. There will be a screenshot map with highlights and notations.

Mine are talking to people IN DEPTH about books and doing elaborate bride/bridesmaid hair styles with multi-strand french braiding for them.

So so thankful for my dad who is similar! When I got divorced, he declared himself my landscaper. My yard is faithfully and expertly maintained. He and my mom also started keeping my daughter once a week to give me a breather. She and her Poppy are thick as thieves and it’s both of their favorite day of the week. Last weekend, my kid busted her head open on a friend’s coffee table, and he was there in a flash to accompany me to urgent care for stitches. Dad of the century, man.

My love languages are gifts and meatballs. A perfect circle in the Venn Diagram of the Gottman method.

Quality time! But specifically, proximity. We rented a camper van for spring break that I shared with my husband and two young children. We tripped all over each other and I never wanted to leave! When watching a movie recently, we were all sprawled on each other on the sectional. I was touching every member of my family! Even the dog put his head on us! My heart almost exploded!

If someone plans any sort of surprise for me I am thrilled. I think my dream date night with my hubby would be him planning for us to do something unexpected. I also love any little surprise from a routine trip to the store. Feel like these could fall under acts of service, quality time, or gifts!

Reading this post and comments has me feeling weirdly sad. The last 5ish years have been all about giving giving giving as I raise three young children, but I can’t actually articulate what makes me feel like I’m receiving love. After childcare, work, household tasks etc., my husband and I just totally spent and have so little time and energy for one another. I suppose I feel loved when someone acknowledges that I am a person outside of being a mom.

My love language is making you an epic cake. My husband’s side is Danish and I learned how to make a kransekake for Christmas (even though I’m not Danish I’m making sure this becomes a tradition!); I make a themed Passover cake every year; I’ve made chocolate cakes and s’mores cakes and and tres leches cakes for birthdays, depending on the preference of the birthday celebrator. When I was in university I made my self-proclaimed trashy (guy) friend a giant hamburger cake with cigarettes as candles – lol. If I love you and it’s your birthday, you are getting a cake.

My dad’s love language is “tell me absolutely everything that’s going on in your life.” No detail is too small for him to care about. He finds it all endlessly fascinating.

My love language is helping people find jobs. Stuck in a toxic workplace? I’ll send you a job posting I think would be perfect for you. Former intern needs a reference let ter? Got you covered! Need someone to proofread your resume? No problem.
I had some really great mentors early on in my career and now I’m trying to pay it forward.

I am a pediatric oncology nurse, my giving and receiving love language is acts of service. Nursing a perfect profession for me because I get to show children and their families every day that they are loved and cared for. I love my job!

Some friends and I joke that our love language is sharing screenshots of our favorite outfits from a local thrift shop’s Instagram account. “Thought of you when I saw these shiny boots and skirt with fringe!”

I realized that my oldest child likes to share her spotify playlists. If she’s having a blue day, I’ll ask her to put one up on the speaker in the kichen then compliment the songs (which is easy, she has good taste). She gets all glowy when people are enjoying her music picks :)

These are all beautiful to read and made me a little teary as I lost my Dad a year ago. He was quite a restrained man in a noisy emotional family, so he didn’t stand out front and centre, but his love language was keep connected with each of us (my sister and I, and my children) through our whatsapp chat that he set up and named and posted “Teasers” to, and to sending individual messages, usually with linked articles, to each of us about our own interests – often just captioned with “thoughts?”. I miss him terribly.

memes! laughing!

My dad’s love language is being a real DAD dad. Need a bookshelf? He’ll build it. Need advice on refinancing your mortgage? He’s got it. Think your kid might have ADHD? He’ll talk you through it. (One of) the things that scares me the most about him (some day!) dying is that I won’t have that reliable person to rely on for advice and knowledge about all that grown up stuff.
Personally, I love acts of servie and my husband is great about it. I really love this one type of iced tea that is somehow never in stock so whenever he sees it anywhere he gets it for me. One time I went away on a trip and he painted out whole bedroom (even the ceiling!). Every night, I make dinner, and after I go to bed he washes the pots and pans and cleans the living areas. I probably filled out gas tank once in the last year.
But I love *giving* quality time. Want to go for a walk? Watch a great movie? Read a book? Have dinner together and talk about our days? Hang out and mess around on our phones in the same room? I’m there.

I think my love language is connecting people I love to one another- personally, professionally, romantically once by accident! Knowing people well enough to share them with others is a huge privilege.

Awww I looove someone who wants to talk with me forever, so, quality time x10. And then I love giving touch, soft soothing touch ❤️

My love language is rides. I LOVE getting picked up at the airport or when my husband unexpectedly is out front in the car when I’m done playing tennis. I’ll also happily offer a ride to the airport or home or wherever when I have the chance.

I thrive on quickly finding the perfect GIF to send someone in response to a conversation point. It’s such a quick, satisfying, funny way for me to show someone I’m paying attention and I believe almost any conversation can benefit from a little dose of humor.